I know this year had been very hard on you. There were a lot of things I wanted to apologise for. I have seen that since so long I have been living for others, on other's terms. I'm sorry for pressurizing you to constantly improve without thinking that if it works for you or not. I have always dumped you under heavy load of tasks to complete in one go and I'm sorry for that. I have always pushed you harder everytime to prove your worth and seek validation from others forgetting that you are not at all liable to live up to other's defination of fulfillment and happiness.
It's so damn okay if your defination of socializing, calmness and happiness does not coincide with others. I'm sorry for all the times when I allowed other people to crush your dreams into pieces, I'm sorry for all the times when I let them impose their rules on you, when I didn't stand for you, when I allowed them to burden you, when I blamed you for not being enough by comparing you to others. It has always been hard for me, I hope you understand that I'm trying my best to understand you as well.
I should have been by your side at the times when you needed me, I should have known that every time I told you "everyone goes through it", what I actually was doing was comparing your grief to others. Last few years you have faced a lot, lost your loved ones, I saw you clinging to your father, crying over death of someone, I'm so sorry you had to go through so much, all alone. I'm sorry for always looking for love outside of you, as if it resided in others as if you needed a shoulder to rely on, completely forgetting that all you needed was me. Just me.
I'm sorry for not trusting and believing in you. I'm sorry for dividing parts of you into good or bad. You are so pure, you have always been. I'm sorry for always surrounding you with fears and insecurities. I should have let it come along on your journey instead of fighting with it. You are so brave, strong, more than enough, you did it and passed it all, all the hurdles. Your life is different and you have a complete different and unique path and it took me very long to understand that.
I was there watching over you, when you cried yourself to sleep and woke up with numb scarlet eyes. I should have known that you always gave your best and there's nothing like perfectionism. You still managed to be hopeful and optimistic in those dark times and let me tell you that I'm so so so proud of you amour. You don't have to prove your worth and you owe nothing to others, not even to your parents. You not only outgrew people around you but also outgrew yourself.
I don't compare you to your past self, I love both the versions equally. You always chased becoming better, I wish I could have told you that what you are at this very moment, howsoever you are, enough and beautiful. I understand your flaws and scars. You're adorable and innocent which doesn't mean that you are weak or gullible. You know whom to trust and where to extend your boundaries. You've always been there to help others and I feel so sorry everytime you got betrayed by them and who ended up using you, but still you had such a big heart to forgive them for your own sanity.
I never had intended to be so hard on you, I know it's hard for you to adjust amongst others and it's ok if there is only one out of fifty who relate to you, it doesn't matter sweetheart, it doesn't, you never had to seek for light and I'm so sorry that I forgot to tell you that it's you- yes, YOU ARE THE LIGHT. I know it's hard for you as most of the people misunderstand you, listen , it's not because you were too complicated to be understood, but you have always been on a higher frequency for common people to get you, you think differently and it's totally not you fault, it's not your fault if you are different. Instead I embrace you just the way you are. Nothing is a good decision or bad. As long as it makes you happy, it's enough.
I believe in your intuition that you can never get it wrong. I have seen you grow through every situation, you are a true goddess, you never knew, but you are. You don't always have to run behind bettering yourself by healing every time and digging deeper every now and then. It's ok if you are not ready for something, it doesn't mean you'll never be, life has it own way baby, you are enough. Ok? Yes you are.
I love you dearly.