Bohemian Ray of Sunshine

Ola homo sapiens!! *drum rolls* I really want to start with "long time, no see" but my brain's like, "but we did post something yesterday". Right. We did post something yesterday but i think it's been really v v v long since i wrote something from my heart- something from the v depths of my (wait-what do we call the bottom layer of heart?- Google machine. OH GOD! I just saw a big rat) Yes, where was i ? Hmm. It's been v long since i wrote something from the v depths of my endocardium. It has roughly been almost a year since i started with all of this blog stuff (ignoring months of inconsistency, complete transformations,disappearing into the blue and deleting thousands of previous pages). I still remember my first ever blog- which exists no more. It was like my baby,my amour. I never knew I'd be here where I'm right now. A small recognisation. At that time all I had in my mind was having a place where I can just 'be myself'. That's i...

Ola homo sapiens!! Can you imagine (there's a song which hit me rn - Imaaagicaa, ee aa ee aa eee yaa) new year's around the corner. In last few weeks my hormones decided to create a ruckus inside my body- too much chaos for me to handle and i broke down. It's insanely life-like how all of a sudden all of things fall together and push you down the cliff and we reach at the rock bottom, look up at the sky and ask "Why? Why all of this?" Something similar happened and kept on happening. Things were just not in my control. All i saw were my room's blurred walls and the pitch black trapped inside my blanket and my lungs suffocating under my thoughts' pressure. I didn't know when was the last time i was blinded by the enormous light. I forgot when was the last time i kept my phone on full brightness. Yup! My life switched onto the dark mode without me being aware of it. Weird? But completely normal. I almost felt like i have to revisit the doctor in the same...

Somtimes I don't understand how to express what I'm feeling, not to say that I'm not good at words, it's like...well...maybe we don't get words because it was not meant to express, it was meant to stay inside that four chambered sweet dwelling of yours. We are almost in the midst of September and I can feel the chilling wind piercing my skin, biting my bones and sadly I don't want to let go of my forest printed cotton shorts. *cries in the corner holding them* It will take me quite some time to get used to nylon lowers, into which whenever I flex my legs, my hairs stand like porcupines. Sadly my mommy will soon bury my favourite shorts along with other cotton clothes into a bag and hide them in the deepest darkest corner of our store room or cupboard. In the next summer, I can predict myself getting delighted at the sight of my old forest printed shorts only to realise it has become even shorter after completing its hibernation in the storeroom throughout the wi...

I feel lost in the sea of possibilities, seeing the wild waves crawl upon me, as I try to illuminate my hollows into depth of untouched sparks waiting to ignite within. I collect the sea shells- "What does it even mean?" I decode, encrypt & decode. Is it love or hope? I'll simply spring, crushing the autumn leaves, trespassing the road less trodden. I make typos and then lace them into muses; thousand cuts and a  teardrop on my ukelele, that's what I'm composed of- a million ill spelt metaphors and ink. :)

Wish I could tell you that I still miss you but; I don't have any more answers. Just like you, I have the same questions, clenched tightly in my fists. Wish I could read you my poems to hear your cheers. Bike around with you behind me scared to break a leg. I still love you the same way- but different courses. Just like the first time we met, We sort of just clicked. Sometimes I feel you longing and tell my siblings how great that time was!  It's still great, greater but ... There was for sure- something between us. The way be clicked, The way things glided, It was smooth. Never as rugged as today. But yes I miss you. The space between us is healthy but deadly. I smile whenever I think of you Do you too? For I wish I could tell you that I miss you. (probably not to be continued)   (pc- Pinterest)

I miss sharing songs, being your mom, sis, bff, all at the same time. I miss the way you made me feel, the person you transformed me into. I miss your warmth and your tender cold fingertips. I didn't like holding hands; yes! you were an exception. Wish I could tell you that I miss you, writing muses for you and scaling our heights while you struggled resting your elbow over my shoulders. I miss looking at your face crowed with pimples and silliness. Like a small child you stuck with me  through all times. Wish I could tell you that I miss the times we fought over who'd pay next and then choosing the flavour of chips to taste next. I miss the telepathy we shared and the synchronisation we felt. I miss you- or atleast a part of you. Feels like hugging you with salty numb eyes & not releasing my grip. Wish I could tell you that I miss you. I dreamt of you last fortnight. In a parallel universe, we were still together. You asked me to stay, and I stayed. You told me to not leav...

 I miss sharing songs, being your mom, sis, bff, all at the same time. I miss the way you made me feel, the person you transformed me into. I miss your warmth and your tender cold fingertips. I didn't like holding hands; yes! you were an exception. Wish I could tell you that I miss you, writing muses for you and scaling our heights while you struggled resting your elbow over my shoulders. I miss looking at your face crowed with pimples and silliness. Like a small child you stuck with me  through all times. Wish I could tell you that I miss the times we fought over who'd pay next and then choosing the flavour of chips to taste next. I miss the telepathy we shared and the synchronisation we felt. I miss you- or atleast a part of you. Feels like hugging you with salty numb eyes & not releasing my grip. Wish I could tell you that I miss you. I dreamt of you last fortnight. In a parallel universe, we were still together. You asked me to stay, and I stayed. You told me to not le...

Wish I could tell you that I miss you, whenever it's 3 am I think of our highest record, talking endlessly-  wirelessly. I remember the time crying over your tiny scapula happy to share with you hollowed secrets of mine, uprooted from the deepest grave. Wish I could tell you that I miss you whenever I see us in polaroids- that same room which used to echo with our giggles didn't belong to me anymore. I see the same faces, worried, Do they hate me now? Behind the innocent confused subtle smile, I wish I could tell you that I dream of home where I no longer belonged. Wish I could tell you that I miss  the spark in those golden brown eyes. I enjoyed the looks you gave when I messed up your curly cascade hairs. I miss listening to your chaotic life's dramas. from the boy who flirted to how somebody misunderstood you, again; As I was your instant solution remedy. Wish I could tell you that I miss  your presence in the dim room of mine- where we laid with our shadows forecasted...

So I had/ have this friend (better acquaintances) of mine and ofcourse we aren't that close and have never been. She was like one of those students, with big wide mouth making fun of teachers and particularly of everyone. Who would say half way through the sessions that she hasn't even made the notebooks yet and thought that not even flipping through pages of the book, not even before a few hours of the exams was - Cool. She probably had some kind of teleporting gift, you'd find her sitting at the back bench with her laughter echoing and then in a blink she'd be flirting with her girlfriends near the water cooler and that isn't enough because even if you would be filling your bottle next to her, without even eavesdropping you'd know she had chicken nuggets last night and how her boy friend thinks 'how hot she is' and you'd see her strolling, making her way past through basketball boys in the playground and even if the teacher would be just a few inch...

Throwback to the nights/ I wish my life would have changed/ sunken into the old memories/of you by my side with our finger tips touched/ remembering the warmth of the old cottage we lived in/ and our friends shipping us// throwback to the nights I'd kissed my own scars/ to love my reflection a lil more/ exploring the eternity of possibilities/ when we stumbled at our steps/ and wished to not get hurt/ still we blew the candles of our cakes// throwback back to the nights/ we hoped for a better year/ and I still remember talking to the stars/ reciting my muses to moon/ drunken and ambitious to grow higher/ and now happy for/ I haven't changed/ with the same spark shimmering in my eyes/ to the times I'd toast to myself// throwback to the nights/ the empty space next to me didn't dread me anymore/ when I didn't stretched the stairs of my store room/ to find our old forgotten parched photographs/ and didn't vomit the vulnerability hidden in me/ and gulped my own salt...

Tell me dear,  Am i too different to be understood? Or you just don't see those dry stained tears; Oh baby, would you mind me being weak? Or you are always that goodie goodie types; I cry too often and laugh out loud, Will you accept that wild me? Or you're always that cheer up please? I am very deep, deeper than the oceans, Are you sure to dive into its depth? I don't consume those drug meds I need to be given constant dozes of Hugs, kisses and chocolates; Are you ready to be my nurse, say?  I'll stay up late and speak to ghosts Will you hide under the sheets Or be a host? I can be a matured grandma And an innocent toddler at the same time, Will you be able to pamper? I'll scold you, love you,  hit you and comfort you So, tell me darling will you distinguish my rage and heat the coldness? Don't worry i'll break the ice, But will you melt it away? I am an unpredictable weirdo, Will you in tune into the weirdness Or you'll unrecognize me in public? I'...