Bohemian Ray of Sunshine

Hey! / / Can we just continue with this 'pretend game' forever? Like though it's all messy right now but I'll pretend it's gonna be alright, and then it will be alright. It has to be. I'll pretend, I'm good at it only to mess again, but I'll keep on pretending I know it all until I know it all. For sure one day in this entire pretend game, a time will come when I won't have any choice to pretend- by then I'll have it all but for now I'll pretend I already have it. Spirituals and philosophers give it different names but I'll pretend it's a mere 'pretend game' and I'm getting good at it.//

Dear friend, Today after months i woke up early in the morning, it took too much for my habitual lazy ass to get out of the blankets. After getting ready i went upstairs on terrace. It felt like first time in the last century (hyperbole highly intended) when i felt morning sun's rays caress my body. I felt alive after a long period of being a vampire. I had never been a night owl until i stumbled upon someone a few years back and then i sort of unintentionally converted into one and since then i yearned to get back to being a happy, chirping morning canary. There's a complete new fresh blooming energy about early mornings. It's winter here, and at about 9 am i found myself dancing sprightly under the sun. With 'somebody to you' bursting in the background spreading limitlessly in the open sky. I saw my own shadow and my hair dancing in the air and that is when I realised what actually means to ' live in the moment'. At that moment, for the very first time i f...

A few months back, there was this occasion of Chatt Puja and a funny thing happened and whenever I think of it, i literally can't stop laughing. It was quite early morning and all of our family had gathered around a temple and there was a big tree (idk what tree it was for i was busy photo shooting for my father). Just after a few moment of arriving and observing, i went up to my elder cousin sister. I'm known to be the quietest in such gatherings, you know, i just don't know what to add to their rubbish talks. My cousins would come to me, put their palms on my head and ask, "Are you alright? Why are you sitting alone?"   Now who's going to tell them that introverts need to recharge, huh? How much energy they have to howl like wolves. I say,  "I need to make out with my girlfriend, can you leave now?" "O, what's her name by the way?" "SHAANTI" "Ok, we are leaving you to sit with SHAANTI, have a good time" [retrospect...

I like obsessed kind of people. Have you ever seen the way their eyes sparkle like a lake under moon light, as if the whole universe resides in those pupils. They hold their obsession within themselves as if it's that precious little thing without which their life would have been void- like when they get an opportunity, they can't stop blabbering. That gLoW - which starts radiating all of a sudden when they start talking about the things they love- omg that halo light on their face, the way it turns pink- the way corner of their eyes get wrinkled and that enormous attention which they give you- as if all of their life is in that cute little obsession, in that book, in that paint brush, in that music, that Taylor's Evermore album, that bike, in muses of Bukowski, etc.  Whenever I see Dante- I see a boy who's obsessed with Ari, who keep sketches under his mattress, who read poetry books, who make effortless strokes in water and kisses his parents on their cheek. And Ari...

Somtimes I don't understand how to express what I'm feeling, not to say that I'm not good at words, it's like...well...maybe we don't get words because it was not meant to express, it was meant to stay inside that four chambered sweet dwelling of yours. We are almost in the midst of September and I can feel the chilling wind piercing my skin, biting my bones and sadly I don't want to let go of my forest printed cotton shorts. *cries in the corner holding them* It will take me quite some time to get used to nylon lowers, into which whenever I flex my legs, my hairs stand like porcupines. Sadly my mommy will soon bury my favourite shorts along with other cotton clothes into a bag and hide them in the deepest darkest corner of our store room or cupboard. In the next summer, I can predict myself getting delighted at the sight of my old forest printed shorts only to realise it has become even shorter after completing its hibernation in the storeroom throughout the wi...

Ok fine then.  I'll leave you for you wished it but then don't go on saying any further that, "Good people don't exist". They do exist, you just didn't have those frequency and eyes to look beyond your own fears, dear. It's all within you darling, what you have is what you see outside of yourself. Ok, I get it what you're going through but just don't shut yourself in that deep caves of hell while fighting your demons that you forget what colour ray of sunshine beamed. I hope you somewhere you still remember the warmth of sun on your skin in those stinking algae, dark and lonely hollows of yourself. I tried but I can't force you to vomit the shit out so I hope you take your time healing it.  I won't tell you that I'm too sensitive to people's emotions that I end up crying even while watching an action film. It's not just you, I've seen many even worse than you, covered with gaping wounds with fresh flesh hanging out, sunken i...

So I had/ have this friend (better acquaintances) of mine and ofcourse we aren't that close and have never been. She was like one of those students, with big wide mouth making fun of teachers and particularly of everyone. Who would say half way through the sessions that she hasn't even made the notebooks yet and thought that not even flipping through pages of the book, not even before a few hours of the exams was - Cool. She probably had some kind of teleporting gift, you'd find her sitting at the back bench with her laughter echoing and then in a blink she'd be flirting with her girlfriends near the water cooler and that isn't enough because even if you would be filling your bottle next to her, without even eavesdropping you'd know she had chicken nuggets last night and how her boy friend thinks 'how hot she is' and you'd see her strolling, making her way past through basketball boys in the playground and even if the teacher would be just a few inch...