Bohemian Ray of Sunshine

                   It was Ruskin's sixteenth birthday. His Indian mother- Raashi wanted to have a small 'Rudra Abhishek' ritual whereas his American father- David wished to organise a 'Sweet Sixteen' party. Ruskin had always been grinded between the two cultures of his parents and never felt like he belonged anywhere.                   Ruskin rejected his parents' ideas and instead suggested going out for dinner. They were served with hot savory dishes. Ruskin was busy multitasking between eating and scrolling through his phone while his parents continued chattering whether they should move back to India or not. The conversation was gradually getting heated when Ruskin banged the table with his fist and glared at his parents.  "Are you done arguing? I need to tell you both something. "Yes, go on.", said David.   Ruskin disclosed, " I'm gay."            ...

                 The pipe which was thrust into my uncle-in-law's stomach dreaded me. I tried not to look at him or more specifically the poly bag which was attached to the side of his stomach but curiosity often made my eyes flicker a bit in his direction. I saw fluid slowly travelling from the pipe into the bag. Her daughter- Priya tried her best to not let that gross feeling creep up to her face. Her younger brother- Anand was braver and also a great Chemistry teacher. He explained to her, "It's not what you are thinking. It's just the semi digested food which is not even going any further than his stomach." I had come to the rented house ,to deliver the lunchbox, where my uncle, his grown up children Priya and Anand, and his wife, Aunt Pushpa were staying for the time being while uncle was going through his chemotherapy for the treatment of Gastric Cancer.                  The dead silence in t...

that day you called me your home only not to care to return abode we talked of signs how soulmates are  not found but made how fate is not something  which is destined to be rather it lies in our choices when we talked of sense we lost our mind so called it philosophy of life drunken on midnight romance  you were the soundhole in our guitar below my strings  whenever i played the notes calling you my muse you proved me wrong  as my picks kept falling  in your hollow space  and you kept forgetting what lyric was next so we decided to end the show and get happily friend zoned but here i am humming the old chords strumming in your thoughts writing about our last song whose melody sings  along the sunken rhythm of my heart       "you're still a selenophile      but I'm no longer your moon"      (pc- Pinterest)

earlier  I were a nyctophile  and you selenophile  it's still the same only now I'm your moon and you're my night sky     (pc- Pinterest)

// you're three layered cupcake icy whipped on my fingertips  dug into your bare milky skin dissolving before i can  taste enough of you to reminiscence  you're strawberry dipped in honey drooling from the crease of  my smile down my chin  sailing across the clavicle  kissing every inch of my bossom as i steal a bite of you all flushed hushed and goosebumped you're luscious blueberries on  heart shaped maple coated pancakes  intently waiting on our  breakfast table to be gobbled  as i breathe your ambroisal savoury breath  while sipping freshly brewed  nutty coffee on misty mornings  licking away the remainings of you from white marbled plate as you leave behind the tip of my frozen nose- love bit you're cinnamon stick i flick between my teeth slurping in your soul  like exotic lavender lemonade  devouring the thirst of my throat on lazy summer noons exhaling ecstasy  moistening the gaps in my parched lip...

My grandma always sang me to sleep     "there lived an angel in the cerulean sky      wove sapphire yarns embroidered with      lilac, pink and crimson fleece      people called it sunset      sometimes she blotted them grey      her tears kissed the earth      leaving behind her scent and bow      people called it rain      every dawn, birds twittered her a visit       rooster hailed cock-a-doodle-doo      so merrily she embroidered them golden      breathed tender breeze swaying trees      people called it sunrise" one night my grandma sang herself to sleep her woven neverland forever lost until I became a grandma and sang        "there lived an angel in the cerulean sky        embroidered with silver and multitudes         of or...

It's not a mess but 'it' is actually no matter how hard I nudge it in periphery it comes back  like a boomerang  strikes my gut and look here I'm bleeding anew oh! let me stitch it  'one last time' again but tighter i promise today my hands shake  with needle which says, "how many more holes  you want to dig deep   to call it healing?" silence screams silent screams I'm on the run what 'it' is afterall? help me to name it my moon's in sag my sun's in aqua there's an angelite  near my pillow below the dream catcher and i sing before sleeping along  its chimes, "it's healing, it's healing" it echoes and cries back to me "it's hurting, it's hurting" i sway the sword to fight back the cry "it's a lie, it's a lie" i reply eyes shut with tears it has to be a lie i sigh!     pc- Pinterest  

there's Venus and Moon in the clearing of clouds June and solstice eve welcomed by midsummer rain how can I not be in love? amidst this moisture and fire in air

we miss you they said long lost courage forbade me to say  I missed them back how to tell? too scared to write back i feel  my efforts to express are inadequate  now, void of sparks  which pushed me earlier to get high  with passion does it make sense? afraid to be questioned the same what makes a good poetry? rhymes? imageries? metaphors? or a poet's tenderness? i play their strings carelessly when it became about the 'perfect' art? one day hesitatingly i disclosed wanna write like Emily and William... they kissed me and sang better recite your own version literature accepts everyone every melody, every ballad but no copy cats. what if I'm  forgotten midst the parchment of history after all this victory 'one day you will be' like anybody who's inevitably immortal they never elaborated 'one day'  so patiently I stood meanwhile scribbling  in an illusion to never stumble on that 'one day'.      (pc- Pinterest)

I count my mouth ulcers which multiplies everytime the truth is not spoken. My emotions are there to vent not a topic for you to debate. I speak truth for which I'm hated I don't speak at all for which I'm hated I hide the truth for which I'm hated. I'm awed, do you posses warehouses full of hatred? or a heirloom you inherited? Cease asking me to say when you aren't all ears. Cease asking me to stay when you are always leaving. You shout at my mutism, what pleasure thou get from noise? I'm not your puppet, I'll wail if you'd ask me  to halt crying. Been rebelling all my life from people like you, from people like me. Who allowed you to  point at my choices? It's not my problem,  but yours amour! What qualifies you  to deserve my kindness?       pc- Pinterest

If I'm a disappointment give up on me then let me cradle in the  arms of solitude. How does it even matter? Wasn't I a human? Or you took me literally everytime I said, "I feel like an alien." It's a lie if I say I cannot loathe a lie, why?  Learnt to reciprocate your hostility. You weren't there  when you needed yourself? You know why?  Because I was there goddamn every time. It was never too much to ask you say things which make less sense, blamed upon me for losing my sanity? eventually got infected from your insensitivity. I ripped myself  stood naked under their peircing gaze to safe thy skin  You know that, no?  Thence I knew, You were nothing  but coward belittled me for showing valour. It were your fears, not mine. I despised you  for projecting them on me, I loved you for showing me mirror. Don't wander searching for my leftovers buried in that shallow corner where you triumphed leaving me in dirt dissolved in soil, thanks for astray...

I don't want you to listen to me fine being heard then forgotten on repeat don't decrypt- "What it meant?" There's always a thousand to mean, a thousand more to speak born to express , not to interpret I've lived in dark, I'll leave you there behind the bars of wilting world; came here to hide from the chasing spotlight, escaping the chains of demons highlight me not for a while, I plead.         pc- Pinterest

Midnight thoughts are a weird thing. But she liked them- she was made that way. People call it overthinking but she thought they were fantasies. She believed that, 'just because its a fantasy doesn't necessarily mean it's unreal'. She was born to see beauty even in the ugliest things. She's different- she has always been. It's like though she has eyes like everybody else - chocolaty brown- but she's the only person whom i met, sees everything differently. The corners of her eyes would wrinkle and would make her eyes vanish into a thin line. I'm jealous of her dimples. Those soft, faint on her left cheek. She would mimic Miguel from Coco pointing her right cheek then left, to and fro- " Dimple, Dimple Gone. Dimple, Dimple Gone." It's impossible to not be cheerful around her. She won't make eye contact with anyone but when she does, she mean it.  She chooses to see souls of only a few people, and she proves that eyes are for sure the gate...

Hey homo sapiens! Disclaimer- I had a lot to share but didn't want to break the flow so i haven't divided this blog into parts. I know it's a bit long but I bet it's worth your time. I'd be more than glad if you stick till the end but trust me for you'll learn something new today.*fingers crossed* So take a deep breath *c mon dude* and take a bit out of your time rather than randomly scrolling through phone. *winks* Long time,no see. Hm? :) This is an unplanned blog which I decided to write just a while ago. I was answering nature's call (hehe, the best place to get creative sparks tbh) and then i caught myself blabbering with myself. I do that a lot. It's nice and healthy, i suppose. Lately I had been wondering roundabout a few things. I had been questioning life, death, destiny, fate, past lives, karma and almost everything related to our soul. I have always been intrigued by such topics and then it's impossible to not do my research. See, I belie...

Ola homo sapiens!! *drum rolls* I really want to start with "long time, no see" but my brain's like, "but we did post something yesterday". Right. We did post something yesterday but i think it's been really v v v long since i wrote something from my heart- something from the v depths of my (wait-what do we call the bottom layer of heart?- Google machine. OH GOD! I just saw a big rat) Yes, where was i ? Hmm. It's been v long since i wrote something from the v depths of my endocardium. It has roughly been almost a year since i started with all of this blog stuff (ignoring months of inconsistency, complete transformations,disappearing into the blue and deleting thousands of previous pages). I still remember my first ever blog- which exists no more. It was like my baby,my amour. I never knew I'd be here where I'm right now. A small recognisation. At that time all I had in my mind was having a place where I can just 'be myself'. That's i...

Ola homo sapiens!! Can you imagine (there's a song which hit me rn - Imaaagicaa, ee aa ee aa eee yaa) new year's around the corner. In last few weeks my hormones decided to create a ruckus inside my body- too much chaos for me to handle and i broke down. It's insanely life-like how all of a sudden all of things fall together and push you down the cliff and we reach at the rock bottom, look up at the sky and ask "Why? Why all of this?" Something similar happened and kept on happening. Things were just not in my control. All i saw were my room's blurred walls and the pitch black trapped inside my blanket and my lungs suffocating under my thoughts' pressure. I didn't know when was the last time i was blinded by the enormous light. I forgot when was the last time i kept my phone on full brightness. Yup! My life switched onto the dark mode without me being aware of it. Weird? But completely normal. I almost felt like i have to revisit the doctor in the same...

Hey! / / Can we just continue with this 'pretend game' forever? Like though it's all messy right now but I'll pretend it's gonna be alright, and then it will be alright. It has to be. I'll pretend, I'm good at it only to mess again, but I'll keep on pretending I know it all until I know it all. For sure one day in this entire pretend game, a time will come when I won't have any choice to pretend- by then I'll have it all but for now I'll pretend I already have it. Spirituals and philosophers give it different names but I'll pretend it's a mere 'pretend game' and I'm getting good at it.//

read along music- Maybe Don't by Maise Peters- Acoustic Version // I'm too scared of my own mediocrity. I don't dance for I'm not kyle hanagami, i don't write songs for I'm not as good as taylor, I don't run for i think my sides will hurt, I don't talk and share what I feel for ppl might misunderstand me. i don't sing for I'm not good at it. I don't be myself, what if ppl think I'm weird and crazy? I don't make vids coz I don't know much of it. I don't vent for I'm in an illusion of breaking my own reputation. I don't write what I want for I'm too insecure. I don't play chess for I don't want to make a fool of myself. I run from the things I want the most. I (we) have forgotten to do more of things which i actually love. So, there's this FORCE constantly reminding me to sing at the top of my longs even i sound off, to dance as if nobody's watching even if i keep on stumbling, to confess even if my v...

Dear friend, Today after months i woke up early in the morning, it took too much for my habitual lazy ass to get out of the blankets. After getting ready i went upstairs on terrace. It felt like first time in the last century (hyperbole highly intended) when i felt morning sun's rays caress my body. I felt alive after a long period of being a vampire. I had never been a night owl until i stumbled upon someone a few years back and then i sort of unintentionally converted into one and since then i yearned to get back to being a happy, chirping morning canary. There's a complete new fresh blooming energy about early mornings. It's winter here, and at about 9 am i found myself dancing sprightly under the sun. With 'somebody to you' bursting in the background spreading limitlessly in the open sky. I saw my own shadow and my hair dancing in the air and that is when I realised what actually means to ' live in the moment'. At that moment, for the very first time i f...

A few months back, there was this occasion of Chatt Puja and a funny thing happened and whenever I think of it, i literally can't stop laughing. It was quite early morning and all of our family had gathered around a temple and there was a big tree (idk what tree it was for i was busy photo shooting for my father). Just after a few moment of arriving and observing, i went up to my elder cousin sister. I'm known to be the quietest in such gatherings, you know, i just don't know what to add to their rubbish talks. My cousins would come to me, put their palms on my head and ask, "Are you alright? Why are you sitting alone?"   Now who's going to tell them that introverts need to recharge, huh? How much energy they have to howl like wolves. I say,  "I need to make out with my girlfriend, can you leave now?" "O, what's her name by the way?" "SHAANTI" "Ok, we are leaving you to sit with SHAANTI, have a good time" [retrospect...

Ola amigo!  You know that I chose my name by myself i.e. "Riya" is a name given to me by myself. Haha! Let me tell you the story. Just like any other new born sapien, I was nameless. One day one of my cousin brother (doooor ke ristedar sort of ) visited our home and decided to do my ' naamkaran' (choosing my name). Everyone was confused and there were discrepancies. So, lottery system was chosen as a solution and yup, the chit which I selected bore the name "Riya" and that's what I'm called. I asked my mother what I would have been named despite Riya- she said she was thinking of "Dhrishti". Not bad. I don't have any nick name because of obvious reasons but yaar atleast I like that line of distinction between having a formal and informal name.  Still people will find their own versions (pet names) of calling you names and one of the very common one is adding 'u' to half of your name. So ya! Riu is what my cousins and my aunt ...

I like obsessed kind of people. Have you ever seen the way their eyes sparkle like a lake under moon light, as if the whole universe resides in those pupils. They hold their obsession within themselves as if it's that precious little thing without which their life would have been void- like when they get an opportunity, they can't stop blabbering. That gLoW - which starts radiating all of a sudden when they start talking about the things they love- omg that halo light on their face, the way it turns pink- the way corner of their eyes get wrinkled and that enormous attention which they give you- as if all of their life is in that cute little obsession, in that book, in that paint brush, in that music, that Taylor's Evermore album, that bike, in muses of Bukowski, etc.  Whenever I see Dante- I see a boy who's obsessed with Ari, who keep sketches under his mattress, who read poetry books, who make effortless strokes in water and kisses his parents on their cheek. And Ari...

A little girl shining brown skin hands outstretched, clenching metal coins. She wanted 'parle kiss me' the shop-keeper busied himself. She stood there in silence metal coins clattering in her fist, her chestnut almond eyes met mine, small face wandering with tight lips. I held her gaze, locked in mine; smiled and waved her a 'hii'. Her innocent eyes flickered  and returned me a wave. I must say she looked more beautiful with that contrast of white teeth on her bronze face. Both of us gleamed when I said, "Happy Diwali" That cute lil stranger wished  me back in full delight and that's how this story ends with that girl unwrapping her sweet  bouncing away from the shop and I sat back thinking somebody smiled because of me, how better this festive day can be? (pc- Pinterest)

Forget me not Forget me not as I try to put pieces together or when I get lost in its jigsaw puzzle trying to see the bigger picture. No, don't pull me out from the unknown island, I still have to learn how to use my inbuilt compass. Forget me not I have to pursue love, create courage to face the perils of life to be able to stand eye to eye with its tempest. No, don't offer me your hand yet- I need to first see my shadows heal the wounds and redefine the scars. Forget me not as I try to mend my path amidst the chaos and devils. No, don't shout my name yet- I still have to know my purpose being here on stage. I'm that namless generation with fake enthusiasm in a hope I'll make it there soon,  by that time, forget me not. Forget me not Remember me in every flaws I made, in those attempts of  not leaving any stones unturned. No, don't stop admiring that grin remember me when I poured salts from my eyes and lied transfixed in your lap. I hope you forget me not as I...

Hey amigo! Presenting a film from the very bottom of my heart. ❤️  A reminder that life is a temporary adventure🌈 and somewhere we've lost it's true essence :( I tried keeping it raw and unfiltered because that is what life should be;✨ "undefined unbound uncertain untitled carefree and most importantly just crazy!!" 🙈 we've forgotten to take it easy... 🥰 film (click on the above link to watch it)  ps- it's my first ever mini film.  Do share your views in the comments. until then, ~tata :)

Ok wait, hear me out. Before reading ahead, tell me do you want to have a better experience? I know you want, so pause- take a deep breath *take take*, one more and switch to Spotify or whatever music platform you use and play the music - "Warm Light by Peder B. Helland" in the background. *c'mon trust me and do whatever I'm saying*. Ok now you are ready. You may continue reading. I hope the music fits with this prose. *fingers crossed*  :) I held the bits and pieces of whatever I had and tried to put them together hoping they would all complement and complete the puzzle of my indecisiveness but they never made sense. Like a senseless little earthling I roamed here and there, from the colours of blue and white snowy winter , to magenta and rich orange of dusk, I paced out from smoky black into the lemonade yellow on summer noons, all I knew I had to keep on moving, so I moved. I moved from the starry nights, inventing my own constellations of fantasy making sure I hid...